Thank God for sleepless nights!  Yep, that’s when I pray.  And so many, many times, when I roll around and look at the clock, I “ugh” and wonder how in the world I am going to get up and function in just a few hours.  But God is good, and I wake up refreshed after spending hours with Him.  I will admit, it is usually with my many requests for family and friends, but sometimes, I am just listening for His voice.  Actively, consciously waiting and posturing myself to hear something.  And sometimes I do.  

I have had children for almost 28 years now.  I know, I can’t possibly be that old, right?  But a constant struggle for me has been “am I a good parent”?  As with most, I wonder if I am helping or hindering my children on their way to adulthood?  How do others perceive my children?  I know – or think I know – their hearts, but will others?  Why do their actions speak louder than my words?  And we all know other children who seem to be perfect and without struggles.  And last night, God brought one of these families to my remembrance.

When my girls were little, I was blessed to be able to take them to a sitter who kept kids in her home.  She was a darling woman, with a heart of God and gold, and my kids loved Miss Valerie!  And she had one girl she cared for that was perfect.  She was about 7 or 8 years old.  She never threw tantrums, she never pouted, she never hit another child.  She never wandered off,  she was never sassy to her mother, she never said an unkind word to anyone.  Ever.  She stayed right where she was, literally.  She had, I think, cerebral palsy, and multiple physical and mental problems, and she was blind.  He mom carried her into Valerie’s, laid her down, went to work, and came back each day and picked her up.  We all spoke to her – she could hear, but who knows what she could understand – and would stroke her cheek, hoping to somehow convey that she was cared for.  But that was it.  She could not interact.  She could not speak, move, play, or disobey.  She just was, as it were, a “perfect” child.  To this day, I don’t know how parents handle a situation like this.

After we moved to Arkansas in 2003, I heard that she passed away.  Home with Jesus, I know, angels and all that.  And never really thought about it again.  And for some reason, The Lord has brought that precious girl to my mind the last few nights.  And – voila:  revelation!  Now don’t write me off your list of Godly friends – this isn’t a scriptural revelation – just to my mothers heart.  Thank You, Precious Lord Jesus, that I have to/get to discipline my children.  Who, in their right mind, would think of that as a blessing?  But as I struggle with who is thinking what of my kids, and how does that reflect on me, I am blessed that they are healthy, smart, energetic, emotional, imaginative, onery, stubborn, passionate, and, did I say healthy? 

God is good, and gives us what we can handle when He can handle it. 

Thank You, Heavenly Father, for knowing me better than I know myself.  And for revealing blessings where I forget.  And for my beautiful, and blessedly not perfect children, as I remain Your blessedly not perfect, but gracefully forgiven child.  I love you.